Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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