please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize