dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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