I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
