Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
