Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
