have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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