The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
