I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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