They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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