It's Friday. Sex?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
