hotel room ftw
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
