so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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