butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
