i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
accomplished twins. life is a go
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
