he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
