Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
