Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
