So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
