You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
