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• (260): View more from Indiana

  Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.

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• (818): View more from California

  his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping

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• (636): View more from Missouri

  it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green

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• (914): View more from New York

  I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...

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