I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
