if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
