Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
