It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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