I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
