Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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