I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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