You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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