apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she looked like the before picture.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
