We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
