I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
