I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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