I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
