who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So much Jack, so little girl.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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