i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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