just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
