remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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