ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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