i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
