my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
