I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
