were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
