found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
