I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
