i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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