you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
