you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
