My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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