he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I can't put those talents on a resume
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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