you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
