oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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