he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
