How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
