Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
