i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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