I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
