the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize