Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
