Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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