just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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