Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
