I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
