Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
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