i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
