Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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