her vagine was all disorganized.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Randomize