there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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