How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize