Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize