Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
