nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
