I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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