I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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