I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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