I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize