i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
