i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
