i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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