When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
no you cant smoke seaweed
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
