She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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