I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
All the doctor said was why
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
