MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
