Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Couch. On fire.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
