Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
