I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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