You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
