so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
