Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Randomize
