hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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