Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
