Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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