the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think your dad took our porno
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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