why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
