so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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