remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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