Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just threw up on my dentist
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The air was thick with penises
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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