i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
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