There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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