anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
