this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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