I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
