Where are you?
In a non slutty way
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
