They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
