I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
