Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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