it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize