Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
