Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
