The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
