Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
