you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
