White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
