either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
