When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
